It's 7.40 in the morning. Mood: Undescribable, restless, tired.

So much to do, I should be studying. But very tired. Crashed immediately after coming back from stewarding at the Arts Centre. I'm not happy. I'm not at peace with the world.

How can there be people you're so angry with but yet you're so unwilling to let them know they're pissing the hell out of you?

And just when you need to find an outlet so as not to let those negative feelings manifest themselves, people just turn their back against you.

So I went to sleep. And end up feeling even more unrested.

At the end of the day, I'm angry at myself. For being so hypocritical. For being so sensitive. For being so needy. For not being able to handle things myself. For not being able to break through this Jericho when I thought I'm ok already.

Why can't I learn to be more selfish? To protect and to stand up for myself? Is it wishful thinking that it's better to have others to stand up for you instead? If everyone's out for their personal gains, then I'd always be in the losing end.

Bloody hell.