As my time in UK approaches to an end, I can’t help but look back at this phase in my life and awe at how everything falls into place.
“If you had stayed on in NJC, you would most likely have gotten 4As…”
“I didn’t manage to get into LSE because I don’t have 4As…”
“Why do you want to go to the UK?”
“I don’t know, just feel that there’s a calling…”
I remember the few weeks before I left for the UK in 2003, I spent sleepless nights wondering if I was just being a willful, spoilt brat insisting on going overseas when I know my loved ones in Singapore didn't bear me to leave. Was this 'calling' a convenient tool I concocted in my imaginations to justify my going to the UK? And I wasn't even going to the prestigious LSE.
During first year, I developed friendships that I never knew could run that deep in a matter of one year. I learnt to live on my own, and that made my love for my family grew - to realise how much I had been taking them for granted, to realise how much of them is ingrained in me. On the other hand, my insecurity got the better of me and I couldn't come to terms that my friends in Singapore are leading a life that does not have my physical presence; I felt my place in their hearts is slowing deprecating. The challenges of keeping discipline and learning to live with loneliness were slowing consuming me; I was losing, I wanted out, I wanted to quit school and return to Singapore. Then came the exchange programme to UIUC - that kept me going, to push for better grades and to see what else life has out there for me. If I had gone to LSE, I would never have gotten this opportunity.
My second year got off on a bad start. Had serious problems with the administration, and wondered if all was just a bad joke. Maybe I should just go back to UK. But I got to meet people I never knew would cross paths with - the shared moments, the shared experiences, even if we never meet again, a part of me will always be with them. And everything went well, I worked incredibly hard (by A levels and UK standards =P) and my efforts paid off at the end of everything. I got way more than what I bargained for. Also learnt that friendship isn't about being together, and sometimes, not even about being able to tell the person your troubles; it's about what you've gone through together and that you'll be willing to give up so much for that person even without asking why.
Now that I'm in my third year and looking back, I realised how this amazing force has pieced my life together. What seemed like a stumbling block then, became a stepping stone for me now. What hurt then, made me more mature now. What seemed volatile made me cherish and appreciate it even more. And now, the path has already been paved for me, I can see its end, and it's just waiting for me to walk on it. My final battle now, is to walk on it.
So I'm not worried about my future. I'm not worried about finding a job. I believe things will fall into place, like it does now. I just want to let you know how thankful I am that you're in my life. And I want you to know that I wouldn't have been where I am today if not for you. If you are facing a trough in your life now, know that things happen for a reason. Believe that one day you'll see why and wait for that day to come~
“If you had stayed on in NJC, you would most likely have gotten 4As…”
“I didn’t manage to get into LSE because I don’t have 4As…”
“Why do you want to go to the UK?”
“I don’t know, just feel that there’s a calling…”
I remember the few weeks before I left for the UK in 2003, I spent sleepless nights wondering if I was just being a willful, spoilt brat insisting on going overseas when I know my loved ones in Singapore didn't bear me to leave. Was this 'calling' a convenient tool I concocted in my imaginations to justify my going to the UK? And I wasn't even going to the prestigious LSE.
During first year, I developed friendships that I never knew could run that deep in a matter of one year. I learnt to live on my own, and that made my love for my family grew - to realise how much I had been taking them for granted, to realise how much of them is ingrained in me. On the other hand, my insecurity got the better of me and I couldn't come to terms that my friends in Singapore are leading a life that does not have my physical presence; I felt my place in their hearts is slowing deprecating. The challenges of keeping discipline and learning to live with loneliness were slowing consuming me; I was losing, I wanted out, I wanted to quit school and return to Singapore. Then came the exchange programme to UIUC - that kept me going, to push for better grades and to see what else life has out there for me. If I had gone to LSE, I would never have gotten this opportunity.
My second year got off on a bad start. Had serious problems with the administration, and wondered if all was just a bad joke. Maybe I should just go back to UK. But I got to meet people I never knew would cross paths with - the shared moments, the shared experiences, even if we never meet again, a part of me will always be with them. And everything went well, I worked incredibly hard (by A levels and UK standards =P) and my efforts paid off at the end of everything. I got way more than what I bargained for. Also learnt that friendship isn't about being together, and sometimes, not even about being able to tell the person your troubles; it's about what you've gone through together and that you'll be willing to give up so much for that person even without asking why.
Now that I'm in my third year and looking back, I realised how this amazing force has pieced my life together. What seemed like a stumbling block then, became a stepping stone for me now. What hurt then, made me more mature now. What seemed volatile made me cherish and appreciate it even more. And now, the path has already been paved for me, I can see its end, and it's just waiting for me to walk on it. My final battle now, is to walk on it.
So I'm not worried about my future. I'm not worried about finding a job. I believe things will fall into place, like it does now. I just want to let you know how thankful I am that you're in my life. And I want you to know that I wouldn't have been where I am today if not for you. If you are facing a trough in your life now, know that things happen for a reason. Believe that one day you'll see why and wait for that day to come~
4 comments:
Yes. If you were to stay on in NJC, then you wouldn't have met a joker/crapper named Ruihang. More importantly, i would never know a gal with a bright future named Xiuli.
hmm.. so how much are you going to invest in my dessert shop in future? keke.
All the best in your final lap!
well.. i stayed on in NJC got the 4As.. but still never get into LSE! haha.. or got to UK in anycase :)
things happen yup, for a reason. ur experiences is urs for life haha..
i shall continue to be a xiao ren wu in nus and u will continue to shine as ever b4 rite? :)
don invest in ruihang's shop! u have to be personally liable for it.. wahaha.. sry took FA this sem and is gg crazy :P
jiayou le! last lap~
No lor Angela, u're not a xiao ren wu lor! U play a big role in my life k, and I'm sure many others as well.
Ruihang, you must draft a proposal plan for your dessert shop before I decide whether I want to invest capital in it or not =P
And no, no bright future to speak of. Not like the two of you at least, heh heh...
hey!
could see you really mature after you went UK. Think its the best decision you made for your life.
Jia you! See you soon!
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