Today's my mum's birthday.
And today's the first time ever, that I told her "I Love You".
In fact, it's the first time I told anyone that. Felt kind of uncomfortable about it at first, but decided, I would regret if I never let her know about it.
Incident 1)
Me: "Ma, I don't think I'll be coming back this December."
Mother: "Don't come back don't come back lor! Better still, I'd want you to go travelling more,
you don't get to do it often, and it's a rare chance for you to learn!"
(a few days later...)
Mother: "So... You're really not coming back ah?"
Me: "You want me to go back?"
Mother: "Oh, no no! Go, you should go!"
(Yet another few days...)
Mother: "Have you confirmed your travelling plans? Or you may still want to come back to
Singapore?"
Me: "I don't think so..."
Mother: "Remember to take care of yourself k, look after your belongings, pack your things
earlier...."
That's my mother, you've got to listen to what she does not say to know her love. I did not appreciate her when I was back in Singapore, even the short trip in Taiwan, I did not carry out the promises of playing the piano for her, I did not hug her even though I missed her hugs so much when I'm overseas. Yet another time:
Me: "Ma, I'm going to Paris with Siewlian this weekend, there's only 2 of us."
Mother:"Go on lor..."
(after the trip)
Me: "Ma, why did you agree to me going to the trip so easily? Aren't you afraid I'll get lost or
something? Especially when the people there speak a totally different language..."
(a bit unhappy that she seemed unconcern about letting me go on my own)
Mother:"Do you think you've learnt a lot from this trip? Even if you get lost, you'll still be fine,
'cos you're my daughter and I know you are independent enough to take care of
yourself."
I mistook her faith for me as nonchalance.
Whenever I go overseas, I'll buy souvenirs for everyone, except her.
Whenever I go shopping, I'll buy something for everyone in the family, except her.
She's just always so... So strong, despite knowing that she had gone through the most in the family.
She's just always so... Cheerful, that I forgot that's the way of her protecting herself.
Which is why sometimes, I can't help but test her threshold again and again, hurting her with my words and doing some of the worst things.
There's still so much more about her, that all of us in the family has taken for granted.
We picked on her shortcomings than focusing on her good points.
I hope whoever's up there, will give me the courage and the strength to take care of her and make her happy for the rest of her life =)
Sorry mum, I can't celebrate your birthday with you this year.
And today's the first time ever, that I told her "I Love You".
In fact, it's the first time I told anyone that. Felt kind of uncomfortable about it at first, but decided, I would regret if I never let her know about it.
Incident 1)
Me: "Ma, I don't think I'll be coming back this December."
Mother: "Don't come back don't come back lor! Better still, I'd want you to go travelling more,
you don't get to do it often, and it's a rare chance for you to learn!"
(a few days later...)
Mother: "So... You're really not coming back ah?"
Me: "You want me to go back?"
Mother: "Oh, no no! Go, you should go!"
(Yet another few days...)
Mother: "Have you confirmed your travelling plans? Or you may still want to come back to
Singapore?"
Me: "I don't think so..."
Mother: "Remember to take care of yourself k, look after your belongings, pack your things
earlier...."
That's my mother, you've got to listen to what she does not say to know her love. I did not appreciate her when I was back in Singapore, even the short trip in Taiwan, I did not carry out the promises of playing the piano for her, I did not hug her even though I missed her hugs so much when I'm overseas. Yet another time:
Me: "Ma, I'm going to Paris with Siewlian this weekend, there's only 2 of us."
Mother:"Go on lor..."
(after the trip)
Me: "Ma, why did you agree to me going to the trip so easily? Aren't you afraid I'll get lost or
something? Especially when the people there speak a totally different language..."
(a bit unhappy that she seemed unconcern about letting me go on my own)
Mother:"Do you think you've learnt a lot from this trip? Even if you get lost, you'll still be fine,
'cos you're my daughter and I know you are independent enough to take care of
yourself."
I mistook her faith for me as nonchalance.
Whenever I go overseas, I'll buy souvenirs for everyone, except her.
Whenever I go shopping, I'll buy something for everyone in the family, except her.
She's just always so... So strong, despite knowing that she had gone through the most in the family.
She's just always so... Cheerful, that I forgot that's the way of her protecting herself.
Which is why sometimes, I can't help but test her threshold again and again, hurting her with my words and doing some of the worst things.
There's still so much more about her, that all of us in the family has taken for granted.
We picked on her shortcomings than focusing on her good points.
I hope whoever's up there, will give me the courage and the strength to take care of her and make her happy for the rest of her life =)
Sorry mum, I can't celebrate your birthday with you this year.
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