Was reading the blogs media had been talking about in my attempt to procrastinate doing work (which I still am trying by blogging) and I was appalled by the vile I see, that my eyes hurt. The expletives, the mean-ness, people talking about people they don't even know in the meanest context and think they know everything.
Which starts me thinking, about how ironic it is, while I came overseas with the intent of stepping out of my comfort zone, but it led me to living (hiding) in my small, comfortable bubble where I can stay away from vileness of people, politics, obligations to family and friends, and assuming my 'position' in Singapore's society. Escapism it is, but I love my life now.
Always regarded myself as pretty streetwise, diplomatic sometimes and able to protect myself if needed. Suddenly this vision of me set on the conveyor belt, propelling towards the gnashing jaws of society comes to my mind. Don't think I'll be able to stand up against the manipulation of people or even realise I'm in it; nor be able to retaliate. I'll be horrified and disgusted by myself if I can.
I love my life now - conveniently erasing the images of skinny Singaporean girls in my mind and indulge in chocolate and chips, going to the gym and swimming once every few days to justify my diet (yes yes, I know it's not enough); living in Agnes and Jireh's place, watching tv beside the Christmas tree and fireplace and pretend to do work and write letters to loved ones in the cosy living room, sharing a bathroom with people you are comfortable with and having to wait for one to be done before it's your turn. The small presents in life, which are clouded by so-called life goals and eroded by values. Maybe this is why people want to migrate when they retire.
I am a weakling, no qualms about that. Which was why I chose PJ, I couldn't stand up to the competition elsewhere; which is why I go overseas, away from the 'real' world; which is why I can't go home this holidays. Home in Singapore, which I miss dearly so, but comes with a price. I abhor idealism, maybe 'cos it's so sweet a mirage it hurts, so deceptive an idea it's dangerous.
Which starts me thinking, about how ironic it is, while I came overseas with the intent of stepping out of my comfort zone, but it led me to living (hiding) in my small, comfortable bubble where I can stay away from vileness of people, politics, obligations to family and friends, and assuming my 'position' in Singapore's society. Escapism it is, but I love my life now.
Always regarded myself as pretty streetwise, diplomatic sometimes and able to protect myself if needed. Suddenly this vision of me set on the conveyor belt, propelling towards the gnashing jaws of society comes to my mind. Don't think I'll be able to stand up against the manipulation of people or even realise I'm in it; nor be able to retaliate. I'll be horrified and disgusted by myself if I can.
I love my life now - conveniently erasing the images of skinny Singaporean girls in my mind and indulge in chocolate and chips, going to the gym and swimming once every few days to justify my diet (yes yes, I know it's not enough); living in Agnes and Jireh's place, watching tv beside the Christmas tree and fireplace and pretend to do work and write letters to loved ones in the cosy living room, sharing a bathroom with people you are comfortable with and having to wait for one to be done before it's your turn. The small presents in life, which are clouded by so-called life goals and eroded by values. Maybe this is why people want to migrate when they retire.
I am a weakling, no qualms about that. Which was why I chose PJ, I couldn't stand up to the competition elsewhere; which is why I go overseas, away from the 'real' world; which is why I can't go home this holidays. Home in Singapore, which I miss dearly so, but comes with a price. I abhor idealism, maybe 'cos it's so sweet a mirage it hurts, so deceptive an idea it's dangerous.
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