Counting down the last 5 days of my life in UIUC. Though there may be a chance of visiting here again (I won't promise), but it's not going to be the same anymore I guess. Wondering if I'll still keep this blog after that, or start a new one, considering this blog is themed,"Life @ US". We'll see how it goes...
Went to UAG (Urbana Assembly of God) the last time; had a "virtual" walk down memory lane - the first time I ever went to a church was at the same place, and it was after an all-nighter, so I actually dozed off during the service. However, it was the same service that I became so emotional and disturbed over some issues. Things have changed since then - resistance turned into resignation; skepticism to hope and faith. Hmm... Nope, still in the exploration stage, still in search of a religion that I can relate to.
Guess it's one of those few days you feel that everything you've done is wrong; and probably what u've done so far have been wrong too. Every comment that you make turns to sound offensive and probably the best thing to do is to shut up. Not exactly the best feeling to feel 5 days before you bid farewell to a lot of people and the place.
Guess last week was more about thinking of what I've gained in this one year; but this week is more of reflecting about what I've lost in the past year as well. Honestly I was very thankful for Agnes's coming over to UIUC, kind of revive the attachment I have towards my friends in Warwick; not that it was gone, it just got to a point where MSN wasn't the most adequate medium to communicate. (and I've never gotten a calling card to call the UK *oops*) Had a long time buddy (since primary school) who was telling me about his fear of our friendship dwindling as I always seem to be so busy in the US. Realized I took the time our friendship foundation was built on for granted, thinking that all we need is a "warm-up" session to get our conversations rolling.
Realized that human relationships are so fragile, so transient, and so unpredictable. "Friends forever" probably only exist in primary school autograph books. No one really dares to make that kind of promise anymore; even though we may try to achieve it, but at every stage of life, we'll find some friends whom we feel could relate better to that particular stage/environment of our life. Sometimes it makes me wonder, is possessiveness a form of cherishing the person or a form of childishness? Or is giving each other more private space is a supposed form of maturity?
Went to UAG (Urbana Assembly of God) the last time; had a "virtual" walk down memory lane - the first time I ever went to a church was at the same place, and it was after an all-nighter, so I actually dozed off during the service. However, it was the same service that I became so emotional and disturbed over some issues. Things have changed since then - resistance turned into resignation; skepticism to hope and faith. Hmm... Nope, still in the exploration stage, still in search of a religion that I can relate to.
Guess it's one of those few days you feel that everything you've done is wrong; and probably what u've done so far have been wrong too. Every comment that you make turns to sound offensive and probably the best thing to do is to shut up. Not exactly the best feeling to feel 5 days before you bid farewell to a lot of people and the place.
Guess last week was more about thinking of what I've gained in this one year; but this week is more of reflecting about what I've lost in the past year as well. Honestly I was very thankful for Agnes's coming over to UIUC, kind of revive the attachment I have towards my friends in Warwick; not that it was gone, it just got to a point where MSN wasn't the most adequate medium to communicate. (and I've never gotten a calling card to call the UK *oops*) Had a long time buddy (since primary school) who was telling me about his fear of our friendship dwindling as I always seem to be so busy in the US. Realized I took the time our friendship foundation was built on for granted, thinking that all we need is a "warm-up" session to get our conversations rolling.
Realized that human relationships are so fragile, so transient, and so unpredictable. "Friends forever" probably only exist in primary school autograph books. No one really dares to make that kind of promise anymore; even though we may try to achieve it, but at every stage of life, we'll find some friends whom we feel could relate better to that particular stage/environment of our life. Sometimes it makes me wonder, is possessiveness a form of cherishing the person or a form of childishness? Or is giving each other more private space is a supposed form of maturity?
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