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This is probably the 4th or 5th time I'm trying to start writing an entry for this blog. I tried to talk about the new used car; I can go on about my aikido classes, I can go on about my classes for this semester, the harsh winter, and many things that's going on in my life; but all these will just come out hollow.

Have you ever have this feeling that there's no point telling others about your problems, because all advice and explanations sound so meaningless, as if the people are just trying to pacify you, and to fufill their responsibility of as the "consoler" which you have burdened upon them when you tell them your troubles?

Or that why can't people tell that beneath the thick-skinned, loud, outspoken, superficial, crappy front, there's a voice crying that "I'm more than just that!"?

Or have you ever felt that people are getting along with life so much happier and fufilling without you impeding them? So much so that, you feel so sorry that they've got you as a friend. Yet, obviously they wouldn't tell you the truth. But you can tell.

Or, you begin to wonder, are people's concern for you genuine, do they ask after you because they really wonder how you are, or they just feel bad about not doing their job as a friend well enough?

I'm not doubting others, please don't get offended. I'm doubting myself, my capacity as a friend, as a person.

我真的已经不知道要说什么了，只是真的觉得对不起大家。大家都不断的往前走，我却停留在原地。Sorry.