Was reading YZ's blog when it struck a chord in me - having access to a real and inner self.
Things have been moving so fast the past few months that I don't have time to get in touch with my emotions. Temperament have been moving up and down like a roller coaster - suddenly I would flare at my closest ones without knowing why and I couldn't control my emotions; there was even a period of time when I felt so depressed I really wanted to seek professional help. Because I don't know why, I don't understand myself - I know I'm struggling, but I don't know what, and I can't reconcile them. Now I'm ok, I'm feeling quite happy but I know it will hit again like a wave in time to come.
Sometimes I think it would be very helpful if there's someone who can reason to me why this is happening. But honestly, if I myself can't decipher it, who can? Think I'm not letting go at all, to put things into God's hands and believe truly that He takes care of everything. It's so difficult, like taking those obstacle courses of faith - falling into ur team mates' arms believing that they'll never let go; or like the story of the rock climber who fell and was tied to the rope for his dear life without heeding God's words to let go - in the end he died suspended, got frozen in the cold, even though in actual fact he was just a few feet away from the ground.
But really, God is omnipotent, He can touch peoples' lives in the most amazing way. Yet it's so difficult to piece this truth to our hearts.
Think my favourite word nowadays is "painful". This adjective encompasses a lot of meaning (in Elvelyn's sense, haha). Feel as if suddenly I've aged alot, or grown much more pessimistic - used to think life is beautiful, now I think its beauty comes with a bittersweet taste. Indeed, too much emphasis on the imperfection of life saps one's energy.
Ok, this is going on in circles. Tired. Good night.
Things have been moving so fast the past few months that I don't have time to get in touch with my emotions. Temperament have been moving up and down like a roller coaster - suddenly I would flare at my closest ones without knowing why and I couldn't control my emotions; there was even a period of time when I felt so depressed I really wanted to seek professional help. Because I don't know why, I don't understand myself - I know I'm struggling, but I don't know what, and I can't reconcile them. Now I'm ok, I'm feeling quite happy but I know it will hit again like a wave in time to come.
Sometimes I think it would be very helpful if there's someone who can reason to me why this is happening. But honestly, if I myself can't decipher it, who can? Think I'm not letting go at all, to put things into God's hands and believe truly that He takes care of everything. It's so difficult, like taking those obstacle courses of faith - falling into ur team mates' arms believing that they'll never let go; or like the story of the rock climber who fell and was tied to the rope for his dear life without heeding God's words to let go - in the end he died suspended, got frozen in the cold, even though in actual fact he was just a few feet away from the ground.
But really, God is omnipotent, He can touch peoples' lives in the most amazing way. Yet it's so difficult to piece this truth to our hearts.
Think my favourite word nowadays is "painful". This adjective encompasses a lot of meaning (in Elvelyn's sense, haha). Feel as if suddenly I've aged alot, or grown much more pessimistic - used to think life is beautiful, now I think its beauty comes with a bittersweet taste. Indeed, too much emphasis on the imperfection of life saps one's energy.
Ok, this is going on in circles. Tired. Good night.
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